I dropped my cell phone in the Toilet...I tried to catch it but...

It slipped out of my hands. I tried to catch it and bounced it up like a rubber ball 2 or 3 times. Then kaplunk right in the pooper.

I felt so sad. I felt like I had lost all my friends. They were all under water looking up at me all helpless.

I whimpered, "No, no." Then I took a deep breath and plunged my hand deep in the disgusting water.

I grabbed it firmly and yanked it out. Then I grabbed handfuls of toilet paper and dried it off pretty well.

With more than a little fear I punched in my home phone number. I could hear a ring and then my answering machine. "This is Barney and I'm not home right now." What a beautiful sound.

Then I called my favorite restaurant and ordered some cheese sticks to go.

I was happy that it still worked.

I haven't washed my hands yet. I think it's bad luck.

Boiling Eggs Leads to Disaster...

I went to the movies and left eggs boiling on the stove.

When I came home the eggs were splattered on the ceiling and the pot was blackened and warped looking.

When I saw what had happened I took quick, decisive action. I tossed the smoking pot in the sink and turned off the stove

Then I collapsed on the floor and sobbed uncontrollably.

I pounded my fists on the floor and yelled in a shaking voice, "Why Me? I wanted those eggs! How will I live now?"

I finally got control of myself and stood up and acted like a man. I grabbed a dirty dish towel and wiped my tears and the snot off my face, and blew my nose. Then I burped and farted and I felt better. Ah, manliness.

As I was hanging the towel back up, I told myself, at least the house didn't burn down.

I could have lost so much more than eggs. I didn't really lose anything I couldn't replace.

I still had my stuffed parakeet and my collection of glow-in-the-dark ties and socks.

Later, I tried to make some coffee in the warped pot and it tasted like burnt eggs and aluminum.

I drank it anyway.


Reprinted from Oddwally.com